Recently a romantic relationship came to an end and I found myself alone again. The minutes, the hours now felt empty.

For three weeks I sat beside a silent phone, rehashing the past and coming to terms with my loss. After the warmth and intimacy of love, my loneliness felt like a great abyss that I could not escape.

I do not allow myself to indulge in self-pity – so my next reaction was to ask “what now?”

Looking back, I saw that I had invested so much time and energy in the relationship that I had grown lax about undertaking new projects or meeting new people.

My first step was to join a Friday evening discussion group, which I found very stimulating. I also prepared and delivered two new workshops to help people find their life purpose and make money doing what they loved.

In giving these I again recognized what I had to offer the community (encouragement, experience and insight) and was buoyed by the positive response from participants.

Everyone feels lonely sometimes. It’s part of being human!

However we cannot afford to become paralyzed by a sense of isolation. We all need to connect – both to ourselves and to the world around us.

What does your loneliness tell you? What is it that you miss?

You may believe that a love partner will fulfill all your needs. However the intensity that marks the beginning of a relationship doesn’t last; with luck, it will change into something deeper.

The two of you will again be drawn into your individual lives. If you don’t feel connected to what you are doing or to the people around you, you are likely to feel lonely again.

Here are my suggestions for dealing with loneliness:

Get involved with others

Have time on your hands? Offer your services at a soup kitchen, read stories to children, or play cheerful tunes on the piano at the seniors’ residence. What do you know or are good at?

Perhaps you can do like me and give a workshop in your area of expertise. There’s no room for loneliness when you give freely of yourself – and you will receive love and appreciation in return.

If you’re a computer buff, there are communities of people on the Net who want to share their interests, from dating to rug hooking. Especially for the housebound, regular e-mail friends can be a great solace

About the Author: Thelma Mariano, life coach and author, believes that we are all on a journey of self-discovery. As we find out whom we really are and what we came to do, we shed light on the path for others by sharing our experience and knowledge. See her on-line coaching programs, articles and column at u-unlimited.ca.

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