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"Laughter is the closest distance between 2 people"

Believe me, word will soon get back to him and unless he's the caring type who wouldn't wish any hurt on you, he won't like it.

Supposing he IS the caring type? Ok, let's say he is but you don't care for what he did to you and still want revenge. What now?

Hit him below the belt, that's what. No, I don't mean put your steel toed Doc Martin's on and point them at his groin, I'm talking about sex.

We all know how important it is for men to believe they're 'performers' and if there's one thing that'll hurt more than anything else, it's having people question his abilities in the bedroom.

Don't rush out spreading rumors. though – it's important you go about it the right way. Telling every Tom, Dick or Harry that he's a closet cross-dresser or that he's had all sorts of sexually transmitted diseases isn't the way forward.

Everybody knows that the woman scorned will be feeling bitter and will quickly guess that you're looking for revenge and what's more, they'll probably end up laughing at you for being so petty.

Trust me, you really don't want that kind of humiliation on top of what you're already feeling.

What you need to do is keep it low key. Wait until somebody asks "Do you miss sex now that you're alone?" or something similar and just shrug and give them one of those "why would I miss something that's crap?" kind of looks accompanied by a nonchalant "not really".

That kind of thing's far more credible simply because it doesn't appear as if you're deliberately being malicious. Everybody loves a scrap of juicy gossip and if sex is involved, it'll spread amongst his friends and acquaintances quicker than you could get your stockings off.

Whatever you decide to do, don't do it while anger's still governing your actions. Breaking into his flat to leave prawns rotting under the fridge may seem like a good idea at the time but will it seem so good

when the little old lady opposite tells the police that she saw you climb in through the window?

Keying his car may seem like a simple, effective revenge tactic but do you really want to get landed with the bill if you're caught?

And before you march into his favorite watering hole to pour beer over his head, stop and think about how humiliated you'll feel when people start thinking "I'm not surprised he left her – she's barmy". And please, please, please – don't stalk!

When anonymous emails/text messages etc start arriving everybody will know who's behind them and you'll be the victim of ridicule.

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