by Sada Shivan
Marriage and Attraction:
Relation is successful as long as there is attraction between the partners. Attraction of actions, attentiveness, beauty, behaviour, caring nature, sexual satisfaction & etc, contribute to prolong relation.
Activities to attract partner becomes slow and casual as involves in normal & daily responsibilities leads to escaping the second role. A person has mainly two roles in married life; one for spouse plus the other with Job/ responsibilities.
Partner & family attraction influences to conduct responsibilities to benefit the family and thus the involvement in responsibilities intensifies that elapses attention to spouse. Especially women undergo this stage involving intensely in their free services of taking care of children plus maintaining house.
After reaching from office male partner expects his wife fresh & sexy who is heavily tired of hardship.
A disappointment is the major factors for fading attraction towards her. Men too face this situation when they deeply involve themselves in their responsibilities in office or elsewhere.
Failure to give time for the family or wife is the serious complaint, woman in the house does not grasp thus blames husband for the negligent behaviour.
Both become responsible for dieing away attraction to keep healthy relation. Attraction of partner normally fades as time passes; this is natural & the real truth.
Marriage and external attraction/infidelity:
Fading attraction drives to incline towards fresh and new attractions so can gratify self and fulfil what is lost. Those who are exposed to external environment are easily dragged towards these attractions.
Each woman or man working are exposed to external atmosphere, is bound to hate or approve one of many she/ he meets or contacts as behaviour of an individual influences others to observe and analyse personality as good or bad or so-so;
(look, character, action and etc) in all conditions of yes or no or so-so has the ability to attract in negative or positive one to like and another to despise, so-so characters generally lack to attract deeply as becomes normal.
Escaping from this situation is impossible as the brain reacts instantly to beware for right or wrong. The approval indicates the acceptance of personality that matches own. In the offices and other work places spouses meet their colleagues of both sexes.
Working men and women spend more on working hours than staying with spouse. Spend most of their day with them eating, chatting, and joking etc; these develop warm relation to step further to get closer.
Working woman of strong character having happy married life limits to move forward and strong character with shattered married life will definitely move forward to get closer, will not even care the social impact.
On the other hand woman of weak characters are easily motivated to
luxury of emotions irrespective of home atmosphere. As far as men are concerned major percentage believe if she agrees I will not miss the golden opportunity but many would wish secretly in order to avoid any clash at home.
This is the dream and an expectation of a man, yes, if the relation at home is unsatisfactory becomes journey to heaven.
However, no one can stop imagining the dominant personality of colleague (opposite-sex). That means colleague’s personality has influenced enough to remember and entered in the life. Now working woman/ man maintains relation with two, one physical relation and the other in imagination.
The comparison of spouse and the colleague begins, environmental effect of home and spouse if is stronger he/she inclines towards home and if not the affection starts with the colleague. Colleague’s initiation helps to establish union, some manage secret relation and some dare to get rid of old relationship.
Sexual appetite is essential need of an adult. Some are content and some have great desire due to genetic characteristic, for them controlling sexual desire is very difficult. They need to extinguish their hunger so are in hunt for buddy.
Most women control their sexual desire despite inadequate sexual appetite; such people are normally upset, restless, tedious and etc; in their life.
Sexual appetite is natural process connected with our body and brain functioning, as the relief is by the process of releasing so controlling is not normal can lead to major psychological diseases such as depression, sickness and lifelessness etc; are enough to invite blood pressure, mental and physical problems etc
Reasons for a woman and man to get involved in extramarital affair may be as I feel:
Powerful emotional and physical attraction of a colleague or other associate pulls the mind and heart to submit.
Dissatisfaction and boring emotional and physical relation with spouse leads extramarital relation. Dull life especially women live in home waiting long-long for spouse.
Lack of motivation for deep involvement in home activities.
Fading spouse’s sexual attraction is a step to establish extra marital relation
For woman it is also revenge the spouse in cruel relation.
Genetic characteristics of individual for emotional and sexual desire for more sex, variety, addiction, curiosity, drawing opposite sex’s attention to become special.
Open mind for the relation. “Ok, I do not mind having extra relation as we now in modern society”.
Weak and submissive behaviour to submit to other’s intentions
Every one is honest as long as doesn’t get the opportunity. Most prefer to follow social norms and do not act, who act are either careless or their necessity or desire overcomes the society norms.
It does not mean those who follow social norms are honest, they too have the feelings and desires which they repress in order to avoid facing social consequences, indicates they are emotionally prepared for relation but social boundaries do not permit.
It is emotional suicide in order to avoid physical suicide; each of us has a desire for fulfilment of emotional and physical needs because our body and brain cells require them for smooth functioning.
In absence of emotional and physical attachment, our entity forces us to understand the necessity, so when meet suitable person the brain cells react to inform us, act as this is a need in order to avoid miserable and dull life.
We act by direction of the entity and the brain in order to fulfil its requirements depending on the character.
Both social accountability and the entity clash in our mind, which ever overpowers directs us to act. For women; in most cases social accountability comes forward and she murders own desires. She indulges only in case of awful relation or vengeance or too strong attraction conquers her.
For the cheated partner it is infidelity as long as cheater is living and sharing family affairs. It is natural that no one would wish partner to share sexual emotions and relation with someone else, it hurts and gives pain to the heart as both are assets of each other.
Relation breaks as no one would prefer to stay together with dishonest companion unless one is so grateful to forgive and forget the dishonesty. As long as there are wife and husband and marriage; extra marital relation will in illegal – deceitful and will be called “INFIDELITY”.
As for both wife and husband, it is an issue of dependability, security, emotion of togetherness as wife and husband, sharing and sacrificing life to maintain family and status pop and mom. Women are more concerned as family is their security, togetherness and life.
All dreams of family and its future collapses in case of any one switches to extra marital relation. This becomes dishonesty married family. Each of find the reasons as why did she/he go for it was he/she not happy.
If not, why? What can I or children do for it? I feel some as:
In order to avoid partner diverting mind invite and motivate his/her deep involvement in family activities.
Revitalize the faded attraction of home and self this is magnet prevents from thinking others. Lifeless homes are not homes.
Thinking home and kids before getting attracted to strong characters will restrict to limitations.
Emotional involvement of the partner towards family by reminding responsibilities and emotional touch up.
Psychological treatment of weak character of sexually addicted partner.
Respect the identity and integrity of a partner.
Wrong and cruel atmosphere of the home is instigation to find better.
Many women in the offices are influenced by bosses for sexual favour. This uncommon behaviour is common in many offices. Under these circumstances husband is best to advise to tackle the situation, risking job is no matter if husband prefers to handle legally with such people.
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