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Should You Forgive Infidelity?
by Skye Thomas

 

A business and material wealth? What if you don't think you can trust them and yet you will lose everything that you do love by leaving them?

That's something that only you can answer. Is the money, the marriage, the children worth a lifetime of being cheated on?

You decide. Maybe it's a marriage of convenience anyway and you really don't care where they sleep.

Then it's going to be much easier to forgive them then if they are your one true love and your emotional health is at risk by having your heart shattered.

As you know, there are plenty of reasons to choose not to forgive and forget. But what if you have created a long beautiful life together and your partner is a wonderful parent to your children?

What if you feel just as much to blame for the infidelity because you had pushed them away for too long.

What if they had made an honest effort to work things out with you but you just kept pushing them away? What then?

Just because you want to forgive them doesn't mean that you can forgive them. How do you forgive and forget?

The bible may tell us to turn the other cheek, but how? How do you do it?

There's a big difference between saying, "I forgive you" on a generic spiritual level and saying, "I forgive you" on a personal heart to heart level. The key to real forgiveness must involve trust.

At some level you have to really believe in your heart of hearts that you can trust this person to never ever repeat such a painful choice again.

If you don't really believe that, then you aren't really going to forgive them and the underlying resentment will eat away at whatever is left of the foundation of your relationship.

I believe that the most important barometer of how easy or hard it is to forgive is how they behave after the event. Do they browbeat you with comments like, "Look I said I'm sorry. Get over it already."

Or are they beating themselves up for having caused you this pain? Are they offering to jump through hoops to prove to you that they have learned a horrible lesson and will make damn sure it never happens again?

The intensity of their apology and their willingness to allow you to feel the pain of it will have a direct impact on your ability to heal from the infidelity and on their ability to rebuild trust in your eyes.

If they demand that you simply trust them on their word and they have done nothing to show you that they are taking full responsibility for the broken trust, then leave them.

It's not your fault that they broke the trust even if you were not emotionally available to them, the breach of trust was done on their part. You can't force yourself to trust someone again.

Just like when our teenagers lie to us and have to earn back our trust, it's no different between adults whether the trust was broken in a marriage or a business relationship.

It's their job to recreate that. They need to find their own way back.

About the Author: 

Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow's Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. Her books and articles have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net.

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