On that idea of the first 90 days of love, a friend of mine recently commented on the amazing number of romance novels written and the huge amount of money being made in that industry.
He then shared his observation that these romance novels don’t usually tell their stories beyond the first ninety days or so.
He said people just want to read about the romance of falling in love, not of the day-to-day life of being in long-term relationships.
I told him that it’s not necessarily ninety days, but that’s a fair enough number to use for discussion purposes.
I went on to tell him that those first ninety days of a relationship set the tone for the rest of the time you’re with someone.
Typically, if a relationship goes sour in the first 90 days, it’s not going to survive much longer.
If on the other hand, it’s a beautiful first 90 days, then the relationship has a foundation to grow on. In the first ninety days, the atmosphere of a relationship is set.
When rough patches occur in the relationship, the couple often looks back to that honeymoon stage for inspiration to work through the problems.
If the first ninety days doesn’t create something worth fighting for, then where’s the motivation to keep the love alive?
I thought back on some of my own relationships. I have had three major relationships as an adult. One never had a ‘first ninety days.’
I had decided to marry someone who was just a friend in order to give my two young children a chance at having a dad.
The only thing that motivated me to work through the problems was my children’s desire to keep their new dad around.
When they quit wanting him around, I was no longer motivated to bother with him. Another one’s ‘first ninety days’ only lasted about a month.
By the time the first ninety days was over, I had gotten pregnant despite using two forms of birth control. Again, for the sake of our child, I would try to make it work.
However, during that first 90 days of love, he had cheated on me and done many other horrible destructive things to our relationship. Finding the motivation to stick with him was very difficult.
Another one had an amazing and wonderful ‘first 90 days of love’ that lasted for a year.
As a result, I fought tooth and nail to make that relationship work when things weren’t going well.
All three relationships had good days and bad, but it was so much easier to believe that we could have a beautiful future together if we’d had a beautiful past together.
About the Author:
Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical approach to spirituality, motivation, and inspiration in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, motivation, and parenting. More of her articles can be found at http://www.tomorrowsedge.net as well as free previews of her books