(4) Self-esteem (when the first 3 needs are met, we can begin to seek a way to gain self-respect, and respect from others, and eventually a sense of self-confidence)
(5) Self-actualization (knowing yourself, and feeling the need to do what you’re “Born to do” – an artist will paint, a writer will write, et cetera)
The need for safety is a basic one, and according to Maslow (and to most psychologists) must be fulfilled before moving up the ladder of needs. But we live in an urban jungle, not an actual jungle, so it’s largely psychological.
Safety doesn’t mean shelter from a predator; it has to do with securing stability and consistency in a chaotic world. We need the security (which a home and family provides).
Maslow believed that this need was so powerful that it often drove people toward organized religion.
Religion and a strong faith in higher power give us a sense of security with the promise of a blissful afterlife. Believing in God gives one a feeling of certainty and security.
If a person lacks certainty and security, they will become insecure.
And when an insecure person decides to tackle the constant battle of being in a relationship with another person, they will point their finger and blame the other person (when everyone knows that blaming is never an effective method of problem-solving), they will act jealous and they may become deceptive in order to attain the information that they suspect if being hidden from them.
They behave in this apparently idiotic manner in order to gain stability. Kind of ironic, isn’t it?
But stability is an intrinsic necessity, and an important survival skill. We’ve all behaved that way at one point in our lives, because we ALL have insecurities. The world is filled with uncertainty, and unpredictability is what makes life so interesting!
What’s not-so-exciting is the fear that you will not have enough money to support your family.
So you budget scrupulously, you work overtime. You don’t sit around acting vulnerable and helpless, and taking out your problems on other people (least of all, your partner).
In relationships, insecurities create an unstable environment. If the soil isn’t rich with esteem, the relationship will not blossom into a beautiful flower. Get it? Plus, nobody’s attracted to a wimp.
Can you imagine two insecure people in a relationship?
You probably can. You know that couple that fights all the time in front of all of their friends, and never seem to resolve their disputes?
That’s them. If they’re both a little overweight or have serious emotional issues, then they’re even more likely to be insecure. Simple math tells me that the chances of their relationship lasting are slim to none, and slim just left the building.
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