Second Time Around the Block
Perhaps you could continue dating lightly as friends and they can be a wonderful source of inspiration and a great ego booster during your recovery.
Then down the road when you've gotten yourself in a place where you can really open your eyes and your heart to completely focus on creating a new relationship, then you can make a commitment.
I think the key here is being really clear with yourself as to where you are in the whole thing and also trusting your new partner enough to tell them the truth.
When you do get to that place that you are able to really focus on someone else and you're truly ready to fall in love, then there's some other things to consider.
It's only natural that each of our relationships shapes us and effects who we become on some level. How many of us have little quirks that arose due to past loves?
Perhaps you were with someone abusive and now every time someone even raises their voice during an argument, red flags start going off and you start panicking.
Perhaps you worked your tail off day and night to financially support a high maintenance princess and now you shutter every time your new girlfriend talks about needing more money to pay the utilities.
Perhaps your partner forced you into sexual acts that weren't in your best interest and now you have some hang ups in the bedroom.
These are all very natural and normal reactions. We are adaptable creatures that typically learn from our mistakes and try to not repeat bad circumstances.
So why wouldn't we be cautious in the future? I'm simply suggesting that you sit with these thoughts for a while and make sure that you are not being unfair to your new partner. Are you punishing them for things that your ex did to you?
Are you living your life as though the new person is exactly the same as the old one? Are you unconsciously creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and forcing your new partner to play out a role that your spouse played?
Just look at these things and be aware. It can really make the difference between repeating another bad marriage and having a successful second chance at love.
One last thought which is sort of the flip side to the one just mentioned. Sometimes we don't realize that we try to repeat the good things from our old relationship with the new partner.
For example, taking them on the exact same romantic weekend and trying to relive the wonder of the first time with the first partner.
Sometimes we don't realize that we make unfair comparisons, "Well my first wife always had my dinner on the table when I came home." "Well my first husband knew how to fix the car so that we didn't have to pay a mechanic to do it." Don't look to recreate the first marriage.
Instead, remember that this is a unique and different relationship with a unique and different partner. Love them for who they are.
About the Author:
Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical approach to life in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. Go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net to read more of her articles and to get a free preview of one of her books.