by Janett Colon
Stop obsessing about the next time he comes into your home, do you feel like a prisoner, are you fearful, emotionally distraught, low-self esteem, do you see signs of a bad marriage.
Did we settle for this, is this something that you anticipated?
Yes, it is really happening to you, did you see it before hand.
Most women think that it is better to have someone, than to have no one at all.
Well it is because we settle, thinking that things will change, knowing things are difficult, we keep hanging on, this is really not happening this will go away at some point only if you keep hanging on.
We become so influenced by our upbringing that we start believing that we are too make a happy marriage it is our job, to stay faithful, supportive, loving and caring at all costs.
This is the man that you decided to spend the rest of your life with and you love him dearly. What to do, how can you escape?
You have given your love and commitment you can't go back. Woman have to realize that they have to take a step up and be strong, don't let our feelings get hurt and stomped on any longer.
Why do we allow to be frustrated, taken advantage of, belittled, discounted, humiliated?
Maybe, we just keep hoping that he will change.
But how long has it been, you mean you haven't talked about your emotions and feelings, you are always so concerned about his feelings.
Did he say " things will change, He promises things will be different"
How long did that take ?
He wants you to wait and see what happens.
He wants to keep hanging on to you.
When actually what he is saying is he wants to know how far he can take it!!
Why do we have to make it a sense of urgency for them to realize that it is an impediment to the relationship and to your sense of well being.
You can confront him and communicate your feelings.
You express to him that you need support and ask him why does he treat you with such animosity, why the crude and thoughtless behavior.
He might tell you something like, work is stressing him out, the kids are driving him crazy, or maybe he is having a bad day.
He does not how to deal with it. So he blatantly takes it out on you. You suffer the consequences of his behavior.
You are walking on egg shells on a daily basis, not knowing what to say, how to act, or never the less how to feel.
He tells you what you want to hear, just so you will get off of his back and leave him alone. Until the next time.
He does not want to be in the dog house! At times he does not even care or does not want to listen. Is this what we call love??
So you confront him but with apprehension and maybe even fear. When he decides to takes your concerns into consideration, he decides it is best to play nice for now.
Things are fine for awhile, but then you start sensing anxiety, frustration, and eagerness for that "change".
What happened to the faith and trust it has been broken again. We feel a huge burden on our shoulders once again. They have a nonchalant attitude. Until the next confrontation.
Mixed emotions run through your head, you feel like a prisoner the walls are caving in. Not sure, but if he does not get what it is that you really need then why do we keep pursuing it?
Sometimes all we ever want is someone to love us for who we are and we want the respect and support that our marriage deserves and needs. Maybe it is the sex, he knows how to handle your needs in bed.
Of course we all love a man who knows how to please a woman sexually. But to what degree, suffering emotional turmoil?
It is the fear of being lonely.
The low self esteem is eating you up alive when will it ever end? You are not so positive that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
You can't run and you definitely can't hide.. What to do?? I just would like to scream, but no one will hear, the Feelings of resentment , broken promises, lack of faith. Things will never get better.
Unless you really want to stay and work things out with professional help and he is willing to seek counseling.
Then maybe you could get him to change his ways.
The memories will always haunt you the cruel words, disrespectfulness, broken trust. How can you ever repair that? Bad Memories.
Only time will tell. You have to start repairing yourself and take that first step. You need to heal.
Most verbal abused relationships tend to appear after the 1st year of marriage.
He thinks he controls you, he is the man of the house, he pays the bills, he does whatever he wants to, because he can, if you try to defy him, he might become verbally belligerent and or abusive physically, just to prove to himself that he is the one in control.
When we know for a fact that they are out of control. It is a vicious cycle..
5 Things they do when to make you feel inadequate - while destroying a good relationship .
+ Jealousy and anger towards you for nothing at all.
+ Not respecting or caring about your feelings.+ Not returning calls, taking care of responsibility, being inconsiderate.
+ Getting irritated, annoyed, frustrated by you, for no apparent reason.+ Attacking you person verbal or physically.
Men who do this should have a self talk, recognize their negative behavior and the consequences. Because their actions may cause you to leave forever.
They need to eliminate stress and insecurity and the fear of not being loved.
Research shows that people who are lonely suffer from drug and alcohol and health related problems.
Women we all need nourishment and stimulation. We need to be respected, appreciated and to be spoken to kindly and gently.
When all these needs are met we grow in love and we excel in our leading a happy fulfilling life. If that doesn't occur in our lives then we will never survive.
Most women decide to stay with this abusive relationship for the sake of the children, not realizing that in the long run, it will only affect their mental well being, children do not like to see unhealthy emotional parents.
We need to provide to our kids a sanctity of love and happiness, not misery and unhappiness.
For the love of your kids, don't wait too long...They are many ways that can cause for an unhappy marriage and an unfaithful husband. We know that we said through death do us part..
Does that mean the death of your own self esteem, the death of mutual respect, the death of trust, the death of love, all of those principles that are vital to maintain that healthy marriage..
They all have diminished.. Is it not important too him to maintain a healthy marriage, or is he so consumed with his own feelings, his emotions, his life and how not perfect it is, how much effort he has to put into it to make it right.
His self centeredness and selfishness will not allow him to make this relationship of top priority.
Research studies proves that 21 million women, suffer from this vicious epidemic. While living through this brutal demeaning relationship, thinking there is no escape, but the fact is we need to take action they will never admit to their faults.
If you have children in this verbal abuse relationship and you don't seek help it will escalate to the kids. No one deserves to be mistreated. When negativity surrounds them there is nothing else to expect.
Women who are emotionally or physically abused need to realize that we need a change. Realize that your a special and unique person. LOVE yourself and gain the courage ...
Start living a more happy life.
Stop thinking that you are not good enough and bring your self esteem up.
Don't feel as though you are not worthy of having a loving life.
Stop feeling as though it is your fault.
It is SABOTAGING your life. Get on with it.
Woman I just wanted to share with you that you are not alone, if you really wish you could make things work then get professional help and make him commit, he must agree to it.
If not get yourself picked up and start living a happy life take action... You deserve the best ...
I have written this article in hope that you too will see the light, and be an inspiration for overcoming abuse. 15 years is way too long too wait ...
About the Author:
Janett Colon ..
ps... I have created a romantic gift store in hopes that when woman around the world find there true and meaningful non abusive relationship. They will experience love and romance for all eternity.