Negativity that you feel towards your partner will be noticed. Most people are not aware enough to turn away from this negativity so you are likely to arouse similar negativities within them or push them away from you if they do not wish to engage in them.
If your partner did something you did not like, of course you will feel bad. But the solution, the answer to the desire that is born from that event, comes from focusing on what you do desire. You don’t do battle with the problem, you turn away from it and walk towards what you do want.
One day I was in my girlfriend’s kitchen preparing a meal (we’ll call her Shelia). I put a skillet on the burner and turned it onto high to preheat it.
Shelia came in and upon seeing the skillet being heated with nothing in it became angry. “You’re going to ruin my pans! Don’t do that!” she snapped as she turned the heat off. I was in a particularly clear space at that point in time and I decided to try turning her anger into love.
I focused on many things about her that I loved and appreciated. I focused on some of the romantic vacations we had taken together and on the feelings of making love with her.
I said nothing in my defense nor did anything else. Shelia said a few more derogatory words and then left the room. When the meal was ready I went to get her. She then blasted me with a few choice things from our past. Here is where so many relationships go wrong. As you can see Sheila was still holding on to past issues.
There is this accumulation process that most people do when something hurts them, they hang on to it and when other painful events occur at later times those old hurts also come to the foreground and receive focus. Even though I know how destructive this can be, I still catch myself doing it.
Sheila was focusing on what she did not want, not on what she did want. There was only one bad thing that happened yet she multiplied it into at least five other things.
Thus increasing the intensity of her bad experience. What affect would Sheila’s actions have had on you? I could feel it draw a very defensive and negative energy out of me.
This is a great example of the creation process in action. I was determined to keep my good feeling state of mind. I reached for better feeling thoughts about Sheila. I realized that she was already annoyed at the kangaroos that were eating the new grass she had just planted.
I knew of other things had gone bad for her that day too. So I could understand how she got so angry when she discovered the empty skillet I was overheating. These thoughts gave me compassion for her.
I also reminded myself that I am a good partner. I treat her well. I am only trying to make lunch for us both. I have done nothing wrong. All of these thoughts helped me to feel better about myself and remain centered.