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Who Took the Romance Out of Dating?
by Susan Dunn

 

Once you’ve chosen a good candidate, take the time and effort to make something out of it; this mirrors the energy you’d be willing to put into a commitment, a marriage.

Dress up, put on the cologne or after-shave, buy a new pair of shoes. Be on time. It shows you think it’s important. Use your emotional intelligence. Let the anxiety and excitement be a part of it.

Don’t jump the gun. We want what we can’t have. We appreciate what we have to work for. We devalue something that comes easy. We ignore what’s plentiful.

Be willing to endure – in fact learn to enjoy – the uneasy feelings. Will he like me as much as I like him?

What will she be like in bed?

He hasn’t called in 2 days, 3 hours, 4 minutes; is it over? Will she go away with me for a weekend if I ask?

Rushing into bed, demanding early commitments, whining for reassurance, and revealing the blemishes before the blushes is wishing it all away.

That’s why people have affairs after all – for the newness, the intrigue, the mystery, the suspense and the wooing. Buckingham and Clifton call WOOing, Winning Others Over.

We act like we don’t like it, but there’s no greater thrill than working to win someone else over and having a little trouble with it. After all, think about an arranged marriage: “Here, Matthew. Here is your bride.” You miss the hunt, but with the hunt comes the uncertainty.

Men need to go through the drill. They need to pursue and be thwarted and then to win.

And we women?

We need to be courted. Why? Because we’re that way.

I was listening to two other dating friends the other day. One of them was in high angst! “He hasn’t called this week,” Anne was saying. “I’m afraid he’s gone back to his ex-wife. I adored him. We had a great time. I hate this. I HATE IT!”

“Enjoy it,” said Melanie, who’s been married a year now. “It’s the good part.”

Hundreds of books have been written about dating, and thousands of songs have been written about falling in love. It’s a delicious craziness, if done right. We meet, the chemistry good and the magic starts.

We put on the rose-colored glasses. Our bodies are pumped full of dopamine, or whatever it is, and we grin, look starry-eyes, love everyone and love life, love ourselves, love … love … love.

Don’t get so focused on the goal, you forget to enjoy the process.

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