You can improve shyness today with those 7 ways to reduce it
Shy people naturally know what they are lacking. Shyness is synonym of lost opportunities, less pleasure & lost social connections.
There are tried & tested ways to get over shyness.
In my teenage years, I was extremely shy and I recall an attractive girl attempting to engage me in conversation.
I was too shy to focus on her because I was worried about my own feelings.
It was my voice that I heard, not hers, and I thought about what I was trying to say instead of what she was trying to say.
Shyness is a combination of "too much self-focus" and anxiety.
To make matters worse, sometimes when you feel shy, you experience physical sensations that 'hijack' your calm, rational self.
My pulse raced, my mouth dried up & I felt like the village idiot!
I made barely audible grunt noises because I didn't know what to say!
When I detected pity in her eyes (or was it contempt, or boredom) I mumbled my excuse & got out of there.
I hated being shy & was determined to change it.
How shyness is developed & maintained
Basically, shyness is caused by social anxiety as well as social conditioning.
Social anxiety can be overcome by learning how to relax socially.
By doing so, you can direct your attention away from yourself & practice certain conversational skills.
Normally, the overwhelming emotions associated with socializing in childhood simply condition the sufferer to fear social situations instead of being excited and happy.
It would be wonderful to be able to socialize in a relaxed way, not to mention productive, but many lack this advantage until they learn how to relax.
Here are some tips and ideas that can help you reduce your own shyness:
1)Think about how you behave and what you feel around people you are comfortable and spontaneous around.
It's that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.
2)Keep your attention off of yourself.
Sure, you can think a little bit about how you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself.
Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of remembering names.
Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also 'dilutes' social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.
3) Engage people with open questions.
Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting.
Ask questions that require more than a 'yes'/'no' response such as 'What do you like about this place?' rather than: 'Do you like this place?'
Once they've answered use 'add-on' questions connected to the first such as: 'What other places do you like in this city…?'
Next you can express your views.
This is a great way to get the conversation going.
If the conversation doesn't 'take' then no matter, you've done your bit.
4) Stop relying so much on your imagination!
Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined?
That's how reliable imagination is.
Stop imagining what others think.
I do lots of public speaking and I've long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me - it's just too painful.
In addition, a person's opinion of you has more to do with who they are than who you are.
5) Don't use an all-or-nothing mentality.
The 'completely this/completely that' style of thought occurs when you are emotional.
People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms.
People who are angry are 'right' and you are 'wrong'.
Depressed people feel like failures while others are successful.
There are infinite gray areas in life.
So stop worrying that you might say the wrong thing!
Or that people will 'hate' you.
You'll notice much less black and white thinking once you begin to relax more socially because anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.
6) Take your time.
You don't have to blurt things out.
Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason).
Don't just blurt out what you think might be the 'right' answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.
7) Finally, use hypnotic rehearsal.
Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation.
Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed.
This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people.
In fact you'll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others you'll reach the point where you just can't be shy any more!
This is what I call a 'happy inability!'
I now love meeting new people and suspect that my current social confidence would be unrecognizable to my fifteen year old self.
Overcome shyness now at HypnosisDownloads.com
Article by Mark Tyrrell of Hypnosis Downloads.com.
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