She later discovered that he was in therapy because the court had mandated it due to him having punched his ex-wife in the stomach while she was pregnant.
She found this out through the ex-wife. His avoidance of the truth was an attempt to impress her and control how she felt about him.
Men often “lie” by coming on strong, calling a lot, sending flowers - trying to impress a woman. Then once the woman is “hooked”, the attention falls away.
The giving wasn’t his normal way of being - he was giving to get. It is well known that many men know exactly what to say to a woman to melt her heart.
A man at one of my 5-day intensive workshops, who was married but was addicted to being with other women, revealed how easy it was for him to hook women in, even when they knew he was married.
“Women desperately want to be seen and understood. All I have to do is reflect back to the woman the things she wants to hear and I’ve got her. I can see her caring, her intelligence, her creativity, her joy of life, her beauty.
I can see what she has to offer that has been squashed down. When I see these things in her, she falls in love with me.” Some of the women in the intensive were drawn to him, even knowing that he was sucking them in!
The lie was not what he was saying to them about themselves – it was that he covertly implied that he would be available to continue to see, love, nurture and support them, when in reality he had no intention of continuing to do so.
Date lying of many kinds is common for both men and women.
Generally, neither men nor women want to “hurt” another person with the truth of how they feel.
Both men and woman can turn on the charm at the beginning and seem to be giving and caring, only to turn out to be using the other for their own neediness.
What is the way out of being at the other end of lies?
Stay tuned into your own intuition.
Speak your truth.
Learn to give yourself the approval and attention that you are trying to get from another, so that you are not so vulnerable to others’ approval.
And, don’t take it personally when someone does lie to you. Their lie is more about them than it is about you.
About the Author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course:http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org. Phone Sessions Available.