For days you had been anxiously anticipating your first date with HIM.
You met online weeks ago and spent time getting to know each other through cyber and phone chats.
Finally you both felt it was time to take your virtual relationship to the next step.
Meeting at a nice coffee house after work seemed like the perfect plan. You made a special effort to look your best and to plan your workday so as to not be late.
You were nervous but feeling positive that this, at last, could be the start of something real.
The traffic was awful and you were 20 minutes late, causing you to feel rushed and a bit on edge.
It was hard to tell, but he seemed a bit annoyed when you finally came face to face.
You must have been distracted by this- because you did not shake his hand or offer a warm greeting before you sat down together.
The conversation seemed to get stuck on the bad traffic, your awful workload, your difficult boss and your repeated apologies for being late.
You emphasized frequently that you are a fun person who is always on time.
You went on to share many of your other virtues because you felt it was important for him to understand that this was not the real you- just a bad first impression.
He seemed rather quiet and perhaps a bit edgy and you noticed him looking at his watch a few times.
He mentioned that he had to meet a friend later and you panicked, trying to think of more to say to change his mind.
So, how did it go so terribly wrong?
What did you do or not do that turned this into another dating disaster?
Does this scenario sound even vaguely familiar?
If so, you may be thinking that this guy should have been more understanding.
After all, everyone has bad days and it should be a given that no one can be on their “best behavior” all the time.
You may also be thinking that there was little else she could have done in the situation.
After all, she apologized and then tried to communicate her feelings and explain why she was not able to relax and be herself.
This situation is a great example of someone trying to think their way out of a situation, while blocking their self-awareness and shutting out the unspoken messages from the other person.
In a nutshell, this woman demonstrated low emotional intelligence, even though her IQ is probably above average.
In case you are wondering what the difference is between these two, you need to know what EI is.
Essentially, it is a capacity to use reason to understand one’s emotions and the emotions of others.
When someone possesses high EI, they demonstrate an ability to utilize their emotions to enhance thinking, perception, expression and management of themselves and those around them.