by Arthur Zulu
There is no problem if you are dating with the goal of getting married.
However, it's wrong if you just flirt with a member of the opposite sex to get attention.
Is dating a good way to grow emotionally?
You will be hindered in your social and emotional development if you restrict yourself to boy-girl relationships.
You will become more mature and better prepared to choose a mate this way.
Do you want to hurt yourself in the process?
If you pursue an unrealistic relationship, you will hurt yourself later.
You may be disappointed by the other person.
And it may take you some time to regain your composure.
What do my parents and others say about the relationship?
Your friends, or parents may draw your attention to the dangers in your relationship.
Maybe you should take a hard look at the facts and pack it up?
Your parents are older and wiser, and as such should know best. They care for you, and they love you.
Will I be able to keep my courtship honorable?
Your relationship should not cross from seeing each other to having premarital sex.
Even if your date decides to end the relationship, you still maintain your chastity and moral integrity.
The reverse is bad news.
Do not date until you are old enough and ready to get married.
Do not date someone you don't love.
Keep your relationship chaste. - as much as possible
Do not go to your date alone. (if your lifestyle permits it - mostly in traditional/religious/christian dating)
Have a chaperon by you. (if your lifestyle permits it - mostly in traditional/religious/christian dating)
Be properly dressed, and be on time when you visit your date.
Keep your visit informal and relaxed.
Converse and listen well.
Try to know as much as possible about your date.
Do not dodge sensitive matters.
Discuss them.
In your discussion, find out how you are to live.
Ask questions like these:
Where are we to live?
How many children shall we have?
What type of birth control method shall we use?
What is your role in our marriage?
What type of work shall we do?
How are we going to save our money?
Most marriage failures are courtship failures -- PAUL H. LANDIS
And that's true.
A good courtship makes a good marriage.
However, some people don't even know the purpose of courtship, or when to begin.
The majority of courtships are no less than crushes -- an infatuation with a favorite teacher, pop star or other celeb.
And this starts earlier in girls than in boys.
Daydreamers, however, often end up sick and depressed.
Because the truth is that they may never get to meet such one in person, all their life.
Even when they do, there is little chance that the love they crave for such idols will be returned.
In most cases those "idols" are not even aware of your "love".
So be real about your date.
And this would involve asking yourself some personal questions that will help you to find out if you are not deceiving yourself.
These questions are:
How well do I really know this person?
Am I blinded to his personal flaws?
Is the person perfect?
Have I fallen in love with an image?
Would I ever get to meet this person in my life?
If the answers you get make you think that you are on the wrong road, put your automobile in the reverse, fast.
Do things that will keep you busy.
Stop romanticizing.
Seek help from your parents, or friends.
Then someday, you will find the "real love", and your right date.
But before you start seeing each other, you have to be warned of the dark side of dating.
The Dangers of Dating
Do not date for fun.
Dating should start when you are ready for a good marriage.
In fact it is part of the process of getting the right marriage mate.
Teenagers and others who dated for the fun of it, have ended up committing sexual mistakes before knowing it.
It normally starts with holding hands, an innocent kiss, then fondling with intimate body parts, and finally, sex.
Then one day the relationship breaks up, leaving the couples to suffer the emotional trauma.
People have ended up in hospital beds or in psychiatric homes, committed abortions, and committed suicide.
Others live for life with a wounded heart.
Would you want that to happen to you?
Of course not.
Dating itself is not wrong.
But it is wrong to date for the wrong reason.
The following questions will help you to have a successful courtship.
Why am I dating?
Do you have any health problem?
Did you live a promiscuous sex life?
Can we do a medical check up?
Are you owing money?
What are your life or religious goals?
And many more. . .
Spend time with your mate in recreation and working together.
Do daily chores like shopping, cooking, cleaning, and washing -- practical things that will help you later in the marriage, and see how your mate fares.
Watch to see how your mate treats his parents and friends.
Observe him when in the company of other people.
Watch him unobserved.
Do not be hasty in your courtship.
If there are flaws in the person you are dating or flaws in the relationship that you think you cannot live with, break it up.
Or talk it out. Otherwise you might end up in a sexless marriage. It is a lot of suffering that could be prevented.
But now, how do you know that you are ready for marriage?
About the Author:
ARTHUR ZULU, is the author of the best- selling book, HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLER. Download your copy and FREE excerpt at : http://www.1stbooks.com/bookview/10975 The above article is taken from a book of the same title, for sale.