everydaybetterliving.com

Home -> Understanding Men

And How To Recognize And Avoid Them!
Part 2... The not-so-obvious signs


- by Mindy Cameron

Well now, did you read part 1 of commitment phobic men?

If you haven't already, go read it before you read this next section.

In this section, we're getting into the not so obvious signs that you see with a commitment phobic man.

It can be confusing but here are a few scenarios...

1. "The Casanova"

When you meet him, you are not very interested in him. 

You have some doubts as to his intentions.

But he's so INTERESTED in YOU!

He tries very hard to get your affection and attention. 

You start to actually think that you should give him a chance!

Then you agree to go out with him on a date.

He wines and dines you like a queen!

You weren't really looking for Mr. Right but, you're thinking...

This is wonderful, I must have been so wrong about this person!

So you continue to see him and enjoy his company and the attention.

He's growing on you!

At this point, you sleep with him. 

You are sure to you have found Mr. Right.

After a short while, you're starting to feel like this relationship is going somewhere.

Make him fall deeply in love with this

Suddenly (the next day or maybe even gradually over weeks or months) he becomes less attentive and is not wining and dining you so much anymore.

He's gotten busy and doesn't call or come over as much, cancels planned dates or doesn't show up, makes excuses, etc...

Hhhhmmmm....

Fix Your Taste for Unavailable Men

These should trigger the red lights that should be going off in your head now. 

This guy seems like he's getting a little smothered by the chance of this becoming a "successful relationship" that might lead to that all dreaded COMMITMENT!

He's worming his way out of this and he may not even know why himself. 

After all, HE is the one who pursued YOU!

At the present, he's got you and he's just not certain that's what he wants after all.

Be careful here;

you might want to get out now and save yourself the grief before it gets destructive.

It wouldn't be a big surprised if when YOU call it quits, after a week or so he's calling you and telling you he misses you, apologizes, etc...

This could be the beginning of round 2 for him.

Poor soul...

It's not entirely his fault.

Fix Your Taste for Unavailable Men

He has a major problem and he doesn't even know it.

Right now you're thinking of maybe give him another chance?

Go ahead and try it just to see if it doesn't start all over again.

If it does... well, you know the answer.

2. "The single married man"

Similar to scenario #1 but he doesn't back away that soon, you may even marry him.

It has happened even to very smart women.

Then, no sooner does he have a ring on his finger and he already feels like he has a ring in his nose!

He may even jokes about it with his friends.

All of a sudden this caring, over-attentive guy starts treating you like a vulgar object, doesn't talk to you anymore, is always doing things with his friends, gets quiet and sulky, may be having affairs and/or even be mean or cruel to you for no apparent reason.

When you try to talk about it, he just clams up or may even get mad .

Make him fall deeply in love with this

He will not talk about your relationship problems or refuses to recognize your feelings of hurt and confusion. If you can convince him into couples counseling.

There may be some hope here but if he doesn't do it on the basis that he doesn't think there's a problem you may be in trouble.

And now you're MARRIED and it's become very complicated.

Ouch.

This one hurts.

Fix Your Taste for Unavailable Men

3. Here we be what I call the "Terminal Bachelor"

That type actually treats you great and you are madly in love!

You're enjoying every minute (or shall I say year?) of it.

Time goes by and the moments remain nice as long as you don't mention anything about the future.

Nothing longer term than say, tomorrow or next week?

This guy is perfectly happy to date you forever!

And as long as you don't "pressure" him into any commitments, things could go on like this for years.

If you're happy with this situation that's fine.

It maybe because you are not that into him or you are not that ready for a long term commitment.

But be honest here; if you are secretly hoping to celebrate your 50th wedding anniversary someday you could be seriously disappointed and waste years waiting for him to pop the question!

Wishful thinking will get you nowhere.

Fix Your Taste for Unavailable Men

He likes being single and he is planning on staying that way.

You know the old saying "Why buy the cow when you have an endless supply of free milk?"

This is what the situation is here.

He likes or even loves you as long as you you're happy to be with him eternally and keep "dating".

I don't want to be "dating" in my golden years!

Really think about last what you want.

If you mention to him about this and he bothers angry or clams up and refuses to talk about it, you have your answer.

If marriage and/or children is something you yearn out of this engagement then it is to your advantage to get away from it now. If

you hang on for years you may miss out on meeting someone good for you who has the same long term goals as you, having children, etc...

If you persevere, you'll probably regret it.

Is it easy to quit this guy when you idolize him so much?

Of course not!

It hurts even crazy!

But... if he wants the same things as you he'll grasp it and let you know.

I acclaim not calling him or having any visit whatsoever.

It's completely too mournful.

If he doesn't come around with a reform offer then be strong and hold out for the things that are crucial to you.

Move on and hold out for the one who will satisfied you in the long term.

He should care about that if he really chases you.

Make him fall deeply in love with this

4. The other type is what I like to call "the Casanova" or "the lover".

This may be one of those on again off again relationships that can vault years.

You may see been with him a some time thence broken up with this guy because of one of the above scenarios or because of an two-timing* on his part.

Good for you!

But... don't let him back in your bed if you're going to get emotionally involved with him and expect it to think of a future together.

You'll get hurt all over again!

Fix Your Taste for Unavailable Men

Not to comment all the sexually transmitted diseases he may issue you if he's had infinite partners!

Typically, this guy doesn't show much interest in you anymore as long as you're unrivaled and in solitary but wait until you've found someone new!

All of a sudden he can't resist you!

He's teased with you, showering you with gifts or attending, being your best friend, doing swell things for you, etc... He's gotta have you!

Why? Because someone ELSE has you so you must be worth having, right?

Once you give in and/or break up with your swinging guy, he's back to his same old self and the run opens again. This can go on for years, trust me on this one.

If you're wanting a solid relationship raise say "bye bye" to this one now.

But that's just my presupposition.

Bottom line to do about these men?

Well, as I alleged earlier, it's not easy.

Fix Your Taste for Unavailable Men

The best foregone conclusion you can do in my opinion is end it as soon as you see it's not getting any better.

If he's really going to "change" then he'll come around but don't plan on it and please get on get on with your life and start arrangement other men.

Be cautious and protect yourself.

You need to think seriously about this and that takes some time alone. Is it really worth it?

Coming soon in Part 3...

It hurts! How can I get through this?

Until next duration... be true to yourself and don't proffer up on your dreams!

It can happen!

You exactly have to choose wisely and know how to weed out the heartbreakers.

Fix Your Taste for Unavailable Men

About the Author:
Mindy Cameron is the author of the recent article "Shallow Hal, an online dating disaster" and operates an online advice column "ASK GRANNY" at her online personals site "MINDY'S MATCH EMPORIUM". She also owns and operates an online store "A SLIP OF A GIRL Vintage Lingerie"

Other related articles that you can read on: