But at the same time, this “baggage” gives you the opportunity to see what the person’s history is. It’s best to keep in mind what you know will work for you, and what won’t, and to stick to it when the emotions are running high.
Let’s take the example of male fidelity. However you feel about this intellectually, you know in your heart whether you can tolerate it or not. So let’s say it’s on your list of “must haves” that you want a man who will be faithful.
When you meet someone new, no matter how attractive he is, before you fall head over heels and the flowers and sweet words are warping your thinking brain, check it out. Find out his history.
Ask around, look around.
Give it some thought, and get some coaching to see what’s a pattern in his past, and what’s a mistake he’s been able to learn from. The more you understand about how the male brain works, the better the dating and the better the eventual partnership. Make him fall deeply in love with this
Then distance yourself from the emotions, and take a cold, hardlook at how things are in the present. Notice how he acts whenhe’s with you, not just what he says, or promises. Get some helpand guidance with this, because it’s important.
You need to know what you’re getting in for before you’re in deep water. In response to our extensive research and interviews with women about “the other woman,” we started a very discrete investigative and coaching service with this in mind.
Most women find it’s best to do this at arm’s length, and let someone else with a clearer head and experience do the work and provide some direction.
There are certain clues that can tip you off ahead of time, and “a stitch in time, saves 9.” In this case it can save your heart, time and energy, all of which are important. Important also, is that it can save you adding negative “baggage” to your own scene.
Know those women who are in to “male bashing?” Stick with the good guys and you won’t have to go there.
Intuition is a major part of EQ. If you’re hearing things, or seeing things that send off an alarm, don’t ignore them. Take action while you’re still thinking clearly.
The longer you stay in a relationship, the more likely you’ll get into your own head and get confused; that’s what “love” is all about.
You don’t want to be “sadder but wiser” again, do you? Use your EQ and start dating the emotionally intelligent way – using both your head AND your heart.
About the Author:
©Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc helps womenfind the relationship they dream of and is the author of“Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women.” Coaching Internetcourses, discrete investigative service, ebooks.mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org