Men contribute to this problem with their own insecurity and lack of a basic understanding of how women function sexually. Since so many men measure their very degree of “maleness” by their sexual prowess, it has become well established that giving a woman an orgasm is a defining element in what we call manhood.
The problem is that when a woman cares enough about a man to become intimate with him, she usually cares enough about his ego to feel incredible pressure to make him believe she thoroughly enjoys sex with him. Some woman experiencing the need to please a man’s ego report faking orgasms “just to end the incessant pounding.” Men should understand that every sexual encounter will not lead to women having orgasm, and that it is ok. Not having an orgasm does not mean she did not find the experience pleasurable.
Relieving her of this pressure will allow her to become more relaxed and more receptive, thus leading to more orgasms! I know most men would never admit it publicly, but many could benefit from learning more about how to please women. Make him fall deeply in love with this
It is probably a good idea to start by letting go of the notion that the only way a woman can be stimulated to a climax is by way of intercourse.
In fact, only about 30% of women can experience orgasm with intercourse alone. That leaves a staggering majority of women who require other forms of stimulation.
I could go on in great detail about this particular issue because it is truly at the heart of so many of these problems. Chelsea’s problems were rooted elsewhere.
Based on her own accounts, Chelsea placed too heavy an importance on creating the “perfect” relationship. She went on and on about find perfect match she and Ben were.
By wanting something so much can create fear and anxiety not allowing you to relax.
Nonetheless, Chelsea’s attention became so focused on how perfect their lovemaking should be, that her own natural ability to enjoy the exquisite pleasures of intimacy was severely hampered.
To Chelsea, any problem that could taint this otherwise perfect relationship had to be squelched by a quick solution: Fake orgasms. Problem solved. Forgetting that a long-term relationship needs to be built on a solid foundation.
In his 1996 book, Contemporary Interpersonal Theory and Research, Donald Kiesler provided us with a behavior concordance model which explains the Interpersonal Reflex Principle.
This basically states that much of our interpersonal behavior is designed to elicit predictable responses from those with whom we interact.
These actions put into motion a cycle where one’s behavior is constantly confirming, recognizing, validating and influencing the behavior of others.