Relationships are never
perfect, and rarely do perfect partners come together. At some point
in every relationship, partners want to change something about each
other.
The following are three schools of thought on
changing another's behaviour and an alternative to each one. You will
find the alternatives more useful, easier to implement and more
effective.
School of Thought I:
You may never change another, nor may you request change. Seeking
change in another is avoiding changing yourself. Your partner is
showing you something you don't like in yourself.
The change must happen within you.
You must strive to become such that the other's behavior no longer
bothers you.
The Alternative:
Look at yourself first. If you still find yourself needing to make a
request, do it. This will give you the opportunity to practice the
vital skills of asking for what you want and
negotiating.
However, do be aware - making an effective request
is definitely a skill. To learn this skill, please read next week's
newsletter.
School of Thought II:
You must demand change from the other because if he/she loved you
enough surely there would be change. He/she is bad and wrong in the
first place for doing the thing that upsets you.
He/she is bad and wrong again for not changing
without you having to say anything. He/she is very wrong for balking
at the change once you demand it.
The Alternative:
People do what they do and say what they say not because of you but
because of how they relate to others. This means if your partner is
doing something to upset you or bug you, he/she is not doing it to
you, just doing it.
Moreover, people cannot read minds. If you do not
communicate effectively when something is bothering you, you cannot
expect change.
1,
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About the
Author:
(c) Rinatta Paries,
1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how
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Visit
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