The other day, I was with my boyfriend, when my sister called. She was in a bad mood because she was babysitting my cat (I was out of town) and my cat had made a mess in her sofa. I was feeling guilty about that, so I went in the bedroom to think it over in silence.
After a while, my boyfriend joined me and the first thing he said was :
‘’I can see this situation is bothering you, isn’t it?’’
In that moment, I thought he was the greatest boyfriend ever. I felt understood and comforted. I was in a better disposition to be the best partner that I could be for him.
Then I realized that he was talking the same language of love as mine. I am a Visual and I understand better when we communicate with me in visual ways. He used the word ‘’see’’.
I am certain that the Auditory and Feeling people out there don't fully understand the impact on me, however, Visuals out there, I am sure, understand how I must have felt.
Having the same communication style or using the same communication style that your partner is sensitive to, greatly avoids missed connections, unnecessary challenges and increase intimacy by reducing the events of resentment.
Love starts to fade away when there is resentment build up. Communicating the right way is one of the sure ways for lasting romance.
There are 3 types of Love Language; according to the author, Tracy Cabot (How to make a man fall in love with you), you have the Visual, the Auditory and the Feeling style. We use all of those 3 ways for communication but, one is predominant.
How can we identify the styles?
Visuals express enthusiasm or stress similar to those comments: ‘’Don’t you SEE how this is amazing?!’’ or ‘’ You’ll SEE. You’ll love it’’ or ‘’ You don’t LOOK in a great shape today’’. An Auditory will say ‘’This SOUNDS good’’ when a Feeling will say ‘’This FEELS good.
I have the IMPRESSION that will work’’ or ‘’I know how you FEEL’’ or ‘’I understand…’’
With Visual, it’s the looks that counts. They usually are well dressed. They take care of their appearance. They relax in a beautiful, well harmonized environment.
Things have to be in order around them. They look for partners who take care of their looks too. When a Visual thinks, their eyes look up in the air because they are ‘’visualizing’’ what they will say or the situation in their mind.
They will tell you ‘’how things looked’’. They don’t talk about their feelings early in the relationship because they need to ‘’see’’ where the relationship is leading. They like to watch television, read, arts, landscaping, etc… anything that stimulates their eyes.
An Auditory are very sensitive to the sounds around them. They always have music at home or in their car. They talk a lot because they like to ‘’hear’’ themselves talk.