Dear Dating Coach - I have been dating a woman for almost three months. Lately, I have been confused about her behavior. I need help to understand what is going on with us & what I can (should) do about it. What do women want?
Our relationship has gone from her calling me "sweetie" & asking for more intimacy; to telling me that I am pressuring her plus need to stop pushing so hard.
I have no problem going at whatever pace she is comfortable with. I have told her this.
In the past few weeks she has cancelled plans on several occasions, saying that she needs time to think because she feels afraid & uncertain about things.
When I ask her to share her feelings with me, she becomes defensive. She asks me to leave her alone.
I have told her to do what she needs to & I will be here when she is ready. After several days of no contact she did call and ask me about my weekend plans.
This is becoming very confusing. Do you have any ideas about what I could do to break this cycle and/or what she may be afraid or concerned about? What do women want?
When I received this email, my first thought was that the problem seemed obvious- at least to me. Her feelings had changed. The reasons were unclear, and somehow they didn't seem to be as important as the simple truth that it was over.
But perhaps they really were. After all, if he could gain some understanding of what went wrong it could help him to make the right decisions now to avoid repeating this pattern in future relationships.
Therefore, my advice to him included a recommendation that he ask her for honest feedback regarding her feelings about him & the relationship.
Armed with a carefully scripted & thought out approach to the subject, he was increasing his chances of opening up a useful dialogue with her that at the very least, could offer him the insight and closure he needed. After careful preparation, he arranged for a talk about "them".
Things got off to an ok start, however she soon began to act defensively & then shut down, essentially refusing to discuss her feelings or answer his questions directly and/or with candor.
This left him with a decision. Should he step back from pursing this discussion with her, just maintaining the status quo; or should he take action based on what he believed was the problem & what would be in his best interest over time.
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