by D.A. Sears
Photo by Alice Donovan Rouse
At some point in our lives we have all talked about finding a “good man” – looking for Mr. Right.
If we’ve never talked about finding a “good guy" we know plenty of women who have talked about finding a “good man”
But who that perfect guy?
What does he look like?
Where do you find him?
And exactly what are we talking about when we talk about that?
What is a great boyfriend?
What does he look like? Walk like? Talk like?
I can tell you that it’s not about WHAT he LOOKS LIKE.
The Right Man may not look like Brad Pitt, Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, The Rock, Ricky Martin, Denzel Washington, Shamar Moore, Avery Brooks or Billy Dee Williams.
It’s not about what kind of car he DRIVES.
He may not drive a Bentley, or a Porsche or a Jaguar or a Mercedes.
He may not even have any wheels.
He may take the bus or the subway to get from Point A to Point B.
It’s not about how big his bank account is.
It’s not about how much money he makes every week. It’s not about the type of clothes he wears.
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It’s not about whether or not he is on the corporate fast track at some Fortune 500 company or whether he has a corner office on the 56th floor in a glass and concrete ivory tower otherwise known as a skyscraper.
You won’t find him hanging out at the mall or on the corner with his boys and shouting out to you for the entire world to hear, “Hey baby, What’s happening? You sure look good!” as you pass by.
And he won’t want to hop in bed with you on the very first date (first date tips).
He wants to get to know you first.
As a matter of fact when he walks into your life, you probably won’t even recognize him right away
He won’t be hollering loud and drawing a crowd when he wants to let you know that he’s interested in you.
The right man will quietly and unceremoniously walk up to you and say “Hello”.
He’ll be polite and treat you with respect.
He’ll treat you like a person and not like a piece of meat.
He may start up a conversation.
He may pay you a compliment.
He may compliment you on your outfit or the way you are wearing your hair on a particular day.
He is interested in your mind.
He is interested in how you think, what you think and what makes you think the way that you do.
He’ll ask questions.
He’ll engage you in conversation.
He wants to know if you’re compatible with him.
Finding true love implies this as well; he will want to be your friend first.
By the same token, you should want this right man to be your friend first.
Remember, it’s better to be friends first.
It’s the friendship that’s going to get you through the rough times in your relationship, that is, in the event things get really serious between the two of you.
Believe me, there will be rough times.
If you find that there is no subject that the two of you cannot talk about and that neither of you have any trouble talking about any subject with each other, well, the two of you have cleared the first hurdle.
A good man has integrity.
His word is his bond.
If he says he’s going to do something, he does it.
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And if for some reason, after saying that he’ll do something, he finds that he cannot do what he said he would, he will let you know immediately and will tell you why.
Mr Right is loyal.
He will not say unkind things about you to others.
If he has a beef with you or has something unkind or derogatory to say about you, he will say what he has to say to you. He is honest.
He will not play games.
He is a man who has a sense of direction. He knows where he wants to go in life and he knows exactly how he is going to get there.
He never stops learning.
He is always interested in anything and everything. He is curious about everything and anything.
When he is wrong, he readily admits his mistake.
He has a sense of humor. He is secure enough that he can even laugh at himself.
He is warm.
He is loving.
He is passionate.
He is compassionate.
He motivates.
He inspires.
He gives everything 100%.
And he expects to receive 100% in return. You can put your life in his hands.
In his eyes, you are an equal partner – his partner – his teammate – and together you and he are a team. It’s either all or nothing at all.
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He will be concerned about your physical, emotional and psychological well-being.
He will be concerned about your happiness. He tells you what he likes and what he doesn’t like.
He tells you how he’s feeling and what he’s feeling.
He’ll tell you that he’s not perfect, but honey, believe me, when I tell you, this man is about as perfect as perfect can get!
You’ll never have to play guessing games with this man.
And incidentally, if you are the type of woman that’s into playing games, then move on, because this is NOT the kind of man that you should be playing games with.
You shouldn’t be playing games with any body – man, woman or child – any way!
So, if you’re lucky enough to have a Mr. Right strut into your life, what should you do?
Check your ego at the door.
Be DEPENDABLE and not DEPENDENT.
Bring an open mind, an open heart, and a sense of humor to the table.
Make him fall deeply in love with this
Don’t half-step, because he won’t.
If he’s giving you 100%, then you need to give 100% in return to him.
Learn what his likes and dislikes are.
Be a partner and a teammate.
If you don’t know how, ask him. Learn how. He’ll tell you and show you.
Be concerned about his happiness . . . his physical, emotional and psychological well-being.
Be honest about your feelings and your expectations.
If you make him a promise, make you sure keep it.
And if you find that you can’t keep your promise, be an adult – let him know that you can’t and tell him why.
Sure, he’ll be disappointed, but he will also know that you cared enough about him to be straight with him.
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Always be willing to listen to what he has to say.
Be his cheerleader.
When he’s struggling to reach his goals and he gets a little discouraged, encourage him to keep at it.
Tell him you believe in him.
Ask if you can help.
You may not be able to.
He may not want your help.
He may even tell you that.
But at least you showed an interest.
You showed your concern.
And that will mean a lot to him.
About the Author: D.A. Sears is the Managing Editor of IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD® FORUM FOR AND ABOUT THE FATHERS OF THE WORLD, a quarterly international male parenting publication which provides Men who are Father throughout the global village with a safe harbor to free expressly their dreams, joys, fears, solutions and frustrations concerning issues directly and indirectly related to Fatherhood that is exclusively published and distributed by BSI International, Inc. (www.bsi-international.com) in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Sears is the author of a book on Fatherhood “IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD® -
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