The difference here is that the good qualities in each person are more predominant in their choice of a loved one. Good qualities such as trust, honesty, communication, and commitment will outweigh the negative qualities of jealousy, insecurity, and anger.
As I mentioned before, love will always have mixed motives and qualities. If you need someone because you love them, then the good qualities should more than compensate for the bad.
SECOND PRINCIPLE: WHO AM I?
My second principle is a line from the movie The Accidental Tourist. "It is not just how much you love someone, it is who you are when you are with them."
The movie revolves around the struggles of named Macon Leary who is a very predictable person. He likes to have everything planned and organized. Macon writes a series of travel guidebooks called The Accidental Tourist for reluctant business travelers who want to feel safe in their journeys.
Whether you are in London or Paris, Macon's books tell you which hotels have the nicest bathrooms and which restaurants serve American food.
Macon's safe and sheltered life is shattered when his wife Sarah decides to move out and get a divorce. Being a quiet and withdrawn person by nature, Macon reacts by becoming even more quiet and withdrawn.
He might have gotten away with it except for meeting a woman named Muriel. Muriel is as spontaneous and disorganized as Macon is subdued and predictable. Muriel takes an immediate liking to Macon and keeps pestering him to go out with her.
He finally does and falls in love with her. As their relationship grows, Muriel's love for Macon changes him into a new person. He becomes more spontaneous and playful, and his normally dismal attitude about life becomes more hopeful. Towards the end of the movie Macon makes one last attempt to reconcile with his wife Sarah.
I leave you to answer these questions for yourself.
THIRD PRINCIPLE: SANCTUARY
The third and last principle is from a writer who says "the essence of love is a sense of sanctuary." Sanctuary has two distinct aspects, protection and renewal.
We each have our fears, insecurities, hurts, and pains that we share with a few people. If we want to grow and change for the better, we need to share these burdens with the person you love. The sense of sanctuary we find in love gives us the protection we need to share our hurts and fears with our loved one.
We sense that our loved one will not make a public display of our weaknesses and fears. The protective sanctuary of love is like a mother bird spreading her wings over her young in the nest. Within the warm confines of their mother's wings the young birds know they do not have anything to fear. This feeling that we are safe and everything is okay is the protection we should find in love.