Relationship Lost Its Spark?
A Mechanical Metaphor
Over the years of reading self-help books, it’s become obvious to me that I rarely find one that I could get my Dad, or most other men, to read. They’re just not written in a way that men can relate to.
Interestingly, I’ve noticed that computer and other gadget companies are beginning to catch on to this fact. When we unwrap our latest piece of high-tech gadgetry, we now have a choice to opt for the Quick Start Guide or plough our way through the entire manual.
For most of us men, that’s a no brainer. We want to play with the toy, not find out how to build it. My Dad is a mechanic and he taught me that given a few basic tools and a decent skill set most things can be fixed.
When it comes to engines he is a genius. He can tell you what’s wrong with your car by just listening to it. His skill is so fine-tuned; he can diagnose your car trouble over the phone.
Grown men used to bring their cars over to him in tears, convinced this was finally the end. My Dad would take it to bits, figure out if a fuel line was blocked, determine if there was too much friction in one area, or if there was not enough connection in another.
Then he’d put it back together and just like magic, the car would run again. To my father engines were predictable; he knew what to look for.
Take the spark plug. If it stops sparking, your engine stops running and your wheels stop turning. To a mechanic, it’s very predictable that your spark plugs will last only a certain amount of miles and then need replacing.
So given that a spark plug will cost you about £3.50 (let’s not talk about the labor costs), how many of you would divorce your car at this point? No you wouldn’t, because you understand that your car is a sizable investment.
For some reason, we fail to apply the same logic to our relationships.
People start talking about how they’ve lost the spark or they’ve got communication issues as reasons to leave. We forget all the time and energy invested in getting to this point and all we can think about is running for the hills.
It’s worth noting at this point that “leaving” happens on many levels and even the subtle withdrawals damage our relationships. I know this because I’ve done it myself. In fact, given my own wiring I’m still prone to want to bolt when it gets rough.
This power struggle is a totally predictable piece of relating with your loved one. It’s the time when Mr. or Mrs. Perfect suddenly becomes one of your parents or an ex-partner.
For some complicated, yet unavoidable reason, this is always going to happen. The best news is that the only way out is through.
Sometimes we just need some basic tools and good skills. You can visit my website for suggestions of great books to get you up to speed.
I guarantee that a relationship filled with romance and passion is more fun than most gadgets. And remember, if you’re going to get expert help make sure you find someone who believes in fixing the relationship you are in. There are plenty of cowboys all to ready to sell you a new car.
About the Author:
© Copyright 2003 by Michael Myerscough ‘The Great Sex Coach’. All Rights Reserved. May be freely copied and distributed as long as you include the following information: "By Michael Myerscough, professional speaker and relationship success coach. Michael has lots of great tips, tools and articles on his website that you can use. Visit him at www.thegreatsexcoach.com and sign up for his free newsletter