Ask what’s missing in most marriages today, and the women in them will tell you, “the romance.”
For the un-romantic among us, the “romance” that these women are talking about has nothing to do with clothes dropping next to hot bodies.
What’s been neglected is the real romance that people who are newly in love do automatically but fall away from once the “realities” of marriage and relationship maintenance take over.
In writing inspirational romances, it wasn’t long until I ran into the question of the anticipated bedroom scene.
Being Christian myself and having seen the consequences of traveling down both the paths of chastity and promiscuity, I knew I didn’t want to promote anything that would degrade the spirits of either my characters or my readers.
Thus I knew that any pre-wedding bedroom scenes were not an option for me. So, what was left? That was the big question, and it forced me to look at what feels romantic to me—sans the bedroom scene.
That’s when I realized how important the four most romantic gestures are to women. It is through these gestures that we feel acknowledged, heard, and ultimately loved.
The first of these is simply holding hands. This gesture tells a woman that she has an ally in this world—that she’s not in this alone.
It is the precursor to a warm body lying next to hers at night, and for a married woman, it can literally be a precursor to a warm body next to hers at night. This act exudes safety, and therefore is romantic in-and-of itself.
I witnessed the awesome message of this simple gesture at my own wedding when my parents, 28-years-married, walked up to light their side of the unity candle hand-in-hand. It wasn’t planned.
Another romantic act is that of touching of the face or hair of another. Mothers with small children will stroke the child’s hair as they are falling asleep, and when one person strokes another’s hair or face, it evokes the security in these earliest exchanges with another human being.
Finally, the act of talking gets a lot of publicity in today’s world. The ways “Mars” and “Venus” communicate or fail to communicate has been picked apart to the marrow inside the bone.
However, one thing I think that all this understanding has missed is how close really talking with each other can make both partners feel.
Anyone who’s ever been married knows how easy it is to get caught up in the six word sentences, repeated every night and called communication.
“How was your day?”